Bad Asylum

Online since 1808

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Goodbye to Gaham: Gaming with Children #2

Previous – Welcome to Gaham

When last we left our young… hero… he was beating an unconscious goblin with a stick.

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Litany Against Fear: Quoth the Raven #2

Our quoth for this week will be the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear. For those of you who don’t know, it’s from Frank Herbert’s Dune.

Now be amazed as I reproduce the entirety of the Litany Against Fear from memory. Because yes, I am that much of a nerd.

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Dead Girl’s Smile

[I’ll leave it here, but it’s shit that needs a whole lot of work or straight up burnt. Enjoy.]

A girl stared back at me from inside the mirror stood at the back of my closet. Black hair, pale skin, naked. I didn’t recognize her despite feeling that I should.

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My Name Is Human: Catchy-Ass Music Tuesday

So Tuesday and Thursday are gonna be some easy blogging days. And yes, that takes me up to blogging five days a week. That’s some sadist/masochist shit right there. (I don’t know what word to use, because I don’t know who is hurting more. Me? Or you?)

I could do a billion of blog posts about individual songs I like, so Tuesday is now Music Tuesday. I’ll come up with some catchy-ass title later.

First song of Catchy-Ass Title Tuesday is…

Highly Suspect – My Name Is Human

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Welcome to Gaham: Gaming with Children #1

Anyone who has ever ran a tabletop campaign (D&D, Pathfinder, etc.) knows the pains of attempting to manage a group of players. You find out how perfectly unreasonable a group of adults can be. It’s like the sort of chaos that happens if you dump a box of kittens in at the puppy bowl… but the kittens are feral and the puppies are dumb…

I’ve lost track of who the players are in this metaphor. (But the puppy bowl is on today! The day I wrote this. You know something? The puppy bowl seems oddly like a parody. Does anyone know about some other bowl related event they might be referencing?)

But suppose your players aren’t adults. My newfound experience attests, there is a being more difficult to manage than an adult player…

A stock child. A caped kid-sader.
A (stock) child.

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Branding: Not What I Thought It Was

Branding.

What do you think branding is?

Unfortunately, I looked to the wrong sources for my answer. Definition brought to you by courtesy of Wikipedia.

Branding: Pressing a heated metal shape against an object or livestock with the intention of leaving an identifying mark.

Armed with knowledge, I took action. Because when you’re serious about what you do, that’s what you do.

TAKE ACTION. DON’T THINK. ACT. DO IT! JUST DO IT! NOW!

Peter Griffin branding a cow. Don't worry, the cow is super into it.

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Quoth the Raven #1

Woah, woah woah. Hold up. I know what you’re thinking.

You: It’s Thursday. You don’t post on Thursday. I can’t… the room is spinning. *frantically takes hit off inhaler* Are you falling off the wagon, Asher? This isn’t consistent!

No, my good sir/madam/sir-madam/etc. I am even more on the wagon than ever before. I AM the wagon. Melded with it from the waist down.

And there are a lot of things that wagon-me can’t do… so with all of my freed up time, I’m adding a day to my blogging schedule.

So welcome to the first installment of Quoth the Raven.

The raven from Edgar Allen Poe's immortal work, The Raven. In this image, the raven is delivering the poem's famous line, "Shut the fuck up." How insightful. A lesson for all of us.
I will not be silenced!

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Welcome to the Shit Show

This was supposed to be a good post. Now forgive me as I fight and claw and fail to reproduce word for word what I wrote in my head before climbing out of bed. If I could just remember how it starts…

(Richard Dreyfuss begins narrating) I was twelve going on thirteen the first time I saw a dead human being. It happened in the summer of 1959…

What the fuck, Richard? This isn’t your movie. Get out. Go!

*Richard Dreyfuss gets out* *Richard Dreyfuss goes*

Sorry, guys. I don’t know how he got in here. This isn’t about the first time I saw a dead body. That’s a story for another time. And it wasn’t 1959. It was in this decade, barely… shit, no it wasn’t. I’m old.

Setting: My high school art class.

We were doing free draw (draw what you want day). I don’t remember what I drew, but I remember my teacher’s reaction.

Teacher: Why don’t you draw something happy?

Me: I don’t feel happy.

A meme pairing Mad World and that one grumpy cat. What do they call that cat again?
I hope you get the song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Click the pic to listen.

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Book Club: Don’t Talk About It

For your sake, I’ll start with the tl;dr.

I’m starting a book club.

FIght Club Meme: FIrst rule of book club, promote your unoriginal idea with an unoriginal meme.
Because Book/Fight Club has been done to death. If you wanna meet up for a read/rumble, head to the parking lot of any bar or 7-Eleven ever. I’ll be the guy loitering.

First rule about book club is you don’t talk about book club.

Second rule of book club is you don’t talk about book club.

The third rule in book club, when someone says stop, or goes limp, even if they’re just faking it, the book is over.

Only two guys to a book. One book at a time. Read without shirts or shoes (pants are optional). The books go on as long as they have to. Those are the other rules of book club.

If this is your first night to book club, you have to fight… I mean… book… read.

Now ignore the first and second rules because I want you to talk about book club. Because this is about community and reading and books, and not about eventually moving on to bigger things, such as blowing up buildings. I repeat, this is not at all about blowing up buildings. *wink wink*

So, welcome to book club. If you have any recommendations (About books to read, not about where I can stick “it.” Whatever “it” is.) you can leave them down below or tweet them at me, or facebook, or whatever. Same goes for if you wanna talk about any of the books we’re starting out reading.

And what books are we reading?

End of our too long tl;dr. On with the post.

No… ya know what? This is plenty long enough for this post (too lazy; didn’t write). It’s a series now. Catch part two on Wednesday. Unless I decide to write about something else.

I am Joe’s lazy ass.

A picture of Joe's lazy ass.
This was supposed to be Joe’s lazy ass… I don’t know what happened.

Placeholder Title: Something to do with Procrastination

So I screwed today up and I’ll never get it back. I sat down to work at 3:39 PM and started strong with a tweet. Followed that up with a quick browse and a pitiful attempt at writing the article I had planned.

So now I’m writing this.

What is this?

A post about procrastination from the world’s leading expert on procrastinating.

Me.

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